I've been getting an awful lot of email lately from the younger goth of colour that felt completely lost at sea until they read my articles. That's exactly what I wanted to do - to let you all know you're not alone. This has also turned me into a kind of Faerie Gothmother/Agony Aunt. I've been answering questions from things as simple to "what sort of makeup should I wear" to more sensitive subjects about depression and parents. As I was once a teen and I remember what a drag it was to be young AND different from my peers, being in a crap home situation with nowhere to turn to, I think it's important to nip things in the bud and offer a helping hand here in Diva style, because I've heard of one too many teenager committing suicide.

First off - you are NOT alone. I know it may feel like it. The internet is sometimes a really awesome thing; we didn't have it when I was younger and so if I was really stuck and feeling blue, I couldn't just log on and talk to friends several thousand miles away to feel better. Conversely, however, I also wasn't able to log on and be dogged, dissed and flamed for merely having an opinion. The Internet can bring out the best and the worst in people. The important thing is to stay true and stay real. Don't tease people about their lifestyle online, and then expect people to leave you alone. And if things get too intense, just turn the computer off!

Secondly, I have been there and done that, but I do NOT have all the answers. The only thing I've managed to learn now that I'm an adult is that most adults are pretty damn clueless most of the time. I can offer advice here and there, and be a sympathetic ear, but the only person who can figure out what music you should be listening to or what clothes you should wear is YOU.

And finally, although probably most important - do what you like! This is harder than it sounds. There are people out there - goth as well as mundane - that are going to give you some grief. Laugh, flip them off, and continue doing your own thing. I'm appalled that that sort of bullshit is in the subculture, but then that's why I created this site in the first place! I got sick and tired of one too many goth groups going after one of their members for liking pop music or not dressing "properly". Screw that elistist nonsense! This all means you need to develop a thick skin, but that all goes with growing up - learn to do what you want to do as long as it isn't hurting anyone, including yourself.

Fashion and Fancy - Being a Goth of Colour

One of the most difficult bits about being a Goth of Colour is getting the makeup sorted - everyone is walking around in pale makeup, straight hair or pony falls and what have you. Do you have to do that, even if it makes you look ridiculous? Of course not! Do what flatters your face, as that's the whole point. There's many a GoC that looks wonderful without doing the typical and obvious; wearing white, doing the Dead Harlem Flapper look, or even the Geisha appearance thing. Basically, do what you want, but keep it as elegant as you can. There's a lot of resources that can help you with this, from altgoth.com and other sites. Do a google search and you'll probably come up with a few - if not my own site right at the top!

Parents and Cultural Problems

I've actually heard it said from time to time that children of colour shouldn't be into goth because they've got "other things to do". That it's only for white kids because white kids are timewasters anyway, etc etc etc. The blatant bigotry and insensitivity to both Caucasian and children of colour in that statement is utterly mindblowing, but this IS the sort of thing you're going to hear. If you don't speak the street talk, expect to be called a traitor to your culture. Expect your parents to wonder about your state of mind. These are the rather sad realities that face people who do things differently - society doesn't dig differences.

Now you can do one of two things: you can let this affect you in a negative way and become even more outrageous to get a rise out of people (NOT a good idea), or you can learn to roll with the punches and show them how completely clueless they are by more positive actions. Your parents won't have much to complain about if you have good grades, and they may therefore let you have that piercing. Your peers will be rather nonplussed if you know more about your cultural history than they do. And of course if you're doing this because it's a part of you, and NOT because it's cool, trendy, or puts your parents in fits, you're probably pretty happy with yourself. As a "freak", realise that you're going to have to be 115% better at everything that other people do. Accept that, and work toward it.

When You're In Over Your Head

Depression, mental illness, loneliness. These aren't fun things to go through, and some people have it worse off than others. Sometimes people don't listen to you when you say you need help, or perhaps you're afraid of what they'll do if you do try and reach out.