Well last time we left our heroine in celibacy and exploring polyarmoury again. Indeed, it's working rather well so far and I've met very great blokes, but the one thing I've had a bugger of a time defeating is the sex training I've bought into.

Any of you goth folks already knows how open and liberal sexuality is in the goth sect. And this is well and good as long as it's approached with responsibility. But it seems I've swung the other way. I'm now completely uninterested. It seems after my binge, I'm now trying to starve.

This also isn't uncommon: the divas at Poison Temple specifically address sacred sexuality and alternative culture. And even they have moments of and dry periods and being constantly attacked when they don't just shell out what men want. That's the fun bit ain't it? "Oh I want you I want you...wait you won't give me what you want? Well fuck you then you fat ugly bitch!"

Charming...

To be plain, my Divaness has taken a huge blow since I've been in the UK. All women here look the same; pale, straight hair, no hips or curves to speak of, small. And here I am, curvy as hell, standing taller than most men, obviously not Caucasian nor any race anyone can quite figure out, with red hair. I Stand Out. And, apparently, Not in a Good Way. No matter how normal I may look, even with my hair dyed a "proper" black, people stare and then get that glassy glazed look only the English know how to perfect which looks right THROUGH you. You are no longer there. You are being ignored.

No clothing fits me here. It wouldn't matter if I was my Diva-size 12-14 - English women don't have hips or bootay so the trousers are out for me. Shirts are too small across the shoulders. I've not gone clothes shopping since I've been in the UK as nothing ever fits or I have to order several sizes too large, which doesn't help one's outlook on life much. Combine this with no interest in sex and pretty much any sense of femininity has gone out the window.

So...enter Tantra.

I'm sure you've all seen the spam ads for Tantra. For most Western thought, it begins and ends with sex. It's just all about getting a really orgasm. Right?

Wrong.

Tantra is a spiritual process, a journey into allowing yourself to be a sexual being. And not just a shagging being, but a being who gives everything they have to a partner because we are all worthy of love, no matter what we may look like. This isn't New Age mumbo-jumbo, but the Tantric practices that have been in place in India for several thousand years - a practice which is, unfortunately, being drowned out even there by Western training of curves=bad, skinny=good and Western Culture=EVERYTHING. Even Tantra itself has had to curtail itself to "singles" and "partners" courses - because we can't quite get our heads and hearts round being so intimate with someone other than our partners, even if it isn't direct sex.

In light of this Western mentality, teachers of Tantra have started to train various men and women as sacred vessels of Kundalini and Shiva/Shakti spirit - and women in particular. The belief in tantra is that women are so out of touch with their own spiritual, sexual natures that the world is becoming entirely too male counterbalanced; and I don't just mean equal rights here, people. I mean aggressive, non-nuturing energy. I mean the Supermom syndrome of the 80's and the current apathy we have today to just about everything. Because of this crisis, Tantric teachers are pulling out all the stops to train women to become, essentially, sexual energy healers for themselves and others. Men it seems are easy to find for the same training - because they believe they're going to get a free shag out of the deal. Women are harder to convince to study Tantra in such a way because it's "bad" or "naughty" to be so sexual - such is the way of our training.